“I’m so scared I want to cry.” Those are the words that I wrote to my best friend just hours before I donned the hijab for a day to stand in solidarity against Islamophobia. This year was my fourth year wearing the hijab for a day and each year was just as nerve-wracking as the previous.
I can’t really explain why I get so nervous and scared. Maybe it’s because I’m scared that someone will be offended. Maybe it’s because I’m scared no one will understand. Maybe it’s because I’m scared no one will care. Or maybe it’s because I like to fly under the radar, unnoticed.
With a scarf on my head, that is not an option. With a scarf on my head, people notice.
In her morning talk on Feb. 18, Anna Torres-Zeb explained that wearing the hijab and being Muslim in this country is like being on a news station 24 hours a day — always watched, always analyzed.
Not only is she always analyzed, she also has to assess her own world. She knows the signs to determine whether a restaurant will be friendly or hostile. Personally, I don’t know all the signs, but I like to think that I am one step closer to understanding what it is like to live feeling like an outsider.
People have asked me “Why?” The short answer, I believe, is “Why not?” Why should I not spend a day walking in her shoes, trying to understand what she goes through on a daily basis? But the longer answer has multiple reasons. Part of it is that I think it is important to raise awareness.
Elon is a very white campus. We don’t see women walking around in hijabs, and we don’t think twice about it. But if you were to see someone covering her head, what would you think? Would you be angry or confused? Would you be uncomfortable? Would you be happy?
By bringing these emotions to the surface, I am forcing the Elon student body to consider their own subconscious conceptions. Another reason that I do this is it goes hand in hand with Elon’s goal to create better global citizens.
As we go out into the world, we are going to encounter people with different ideas, perspectives and beliefs. It is just inevitable. So how are we going to treat those people when we encounter them? I hope that I treat them with respect and strive to understand their different beliefs without condemnation, for condemnation is not in my power. My God teaches me to love others, and I hope that I can through understanding and support.
Each year I have a different experience wearing the hijab. I notice different things. This year was the first year that I got a whole group of women to wear the hijab instead of just a friend who already wears the garment. So this year I truly felt like I was part of something bigger.
I now understand the support of solidarity. When I saw someone across the lawn wearing a hijab, I smiled to myself. In one class, I noticed that I was the only one wearing the hijab.
I’m not used to being part of the minority, but on Feb. 18 I was. It’s a weird feeling to realize you are the only person like yourself in an entire room of people. In the next class, I was supported by my professor who was wearing the hijab. Just seeing one other person wearing the hijab boosted my confidence. I knew I wasn’t alone.
So thank you to all the women who wore a hijab with me. Thank you for expressing your solidarity. Thank you for supporting my Muslim friends.