It’s a well-known fact that college kids tend to mimic the highly intelligent things they see celebrities doing. Out of all the celebrities who have taught me the secrets to a successful life, I would have to say that Taylor Swift has done so the most. The following is my attempt to share with you the profound wisdom that Taylor Swift has shared with me.
It’s okay to publicly broadcast every detail of your love life.
In case you haven’t noticed, the vast majority of Taylor Swift's songs detail her many relationships and more specifically, her many heartbreaks. I don’t know about you, but generally I feel as though the world does not care about my love life. After learning about the life of Taylor Swift I’ve come to tell you that yes, the entire universe does care. In fact, not only does everyone want to know every detail of your love life, they’ll even pay you for 10-15 diary entries that are set to a sad tune.
Rude comments are not actually rude if you sing them.
If you’ve ever listened to Mean, you know just how blatantly rude the lyrics are. Swift sweetly sings, “All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life.” Ouch! Apparently, the whining in this song and the self-esteem of the person it is about are irrelevant because “Mean” was awarded both “Best Country Solo Performance” and “Best Country Song” at the 54th Annual Grammy Awards. The upbeat string instruments and high-pitched vocals must cancel out the fact that this song is outwardly rude. Next time I want to tell someone their opinion is worthless, I’ll just break out the banjo and sing it.
You can be a millionaire without ever reading Shakespeare.
I apologize to the English majors and anyone else who has ever read Shakespeare, but you wasted your time. Taylor Swift’s Love Story has effectively proven that knowing anything about Shakespeare’s most popular literature is not even remotely helpful. As a matter of fact, it’s more helpful if you completely disregard the actual storyline of famous plays such as Romeo and Juliet and add your own hopelessly romantic ending. According to Taylor Swift, Romeo gets permission from Juliet’s father to propose and they live happily ever after. If I remember correctly, their parents forbade them to be together and they both ended up committing suicide while lying next to one another. Granted, it doesn’t matter if I remember correctly, because Taylor Swift taught me that it’s okay not to read and just make it up as I go along.
There is not a single decent male on the planet.
Year after year, Taylor Swift’s songs tell us of the multiple men who broke her heart. Obviously, heartbreak is all you’ll ever get from a relationship, especially if you’re female. From not letting you drive his pickup truck, to cheating on you, to breaking up with you and then getting back together with you, every boy will do something that will leave you crying on your bedroom floor. After listening to Taylor Swift’s music, there’s no doubt in my mind that there is not one man on this planet who knows how to treat a woman right.
Complaining about love never gets old.
Even if your first musically-synced complaints were released in 2006, there’s no time like the present to keep on whining. With an ever-changing population of attractive celebrity males to choose from, there must be a lot to complain about. Though most people wouldn’t know, it must be really annoying to date so many beautiful people. Now I understand that it is completely natural to whine about my love life for seven years.