The school year has begun, and Elon University's campus is officially repopulated. New and returning students have moved into their dorms and said goodbye to their parents. A wonderfully awkward mix of horny, over-excited and slightly sad freshmen have taken over campus, making for a truly weird but enjoyable people-watching session.

As a sophomore, I have a singular — but extremely formative — year of college under my slightly larger belt. (Ba-dum-ching, we got a Freshman 15 joke in and so early in the game, the crowd is going wild, they are loving this slightly self-deprecating humor).

Cue scoffing from juniors and seniors. Yes, I am but a baby in the grand scheme of college experiences, but I’d like to think I have definitely learned one or two handy tricks about college life.

One of which being how to get ready in a flash for class. Although I have been blessed in the fact that I’ve yet to take an 8 a.m. class, I still wait until the very last minute to get out of my warm burrito of blankets and pillows.

And, unlike celebrities trying to connect with their fans on social media, I will never look human enough to take and post a selfie right after waking up. I wake up like this, not this.

The absolute very first thing I must do once I’ve decided to at least pretend to be an adult is stretch while making the noise everyone makes when they stretch. It’s mix between a scream for help as my limbs are being moved for the first time in eight (more like five) hours and my dry throat begging for any type of hydration.

Since I am the epitome of pure class, I’ll either drink a half full (what’s up, optimists?!) water bottle from the day before or drink water from the sink. Both are normally lukewarm and slightly stale, which is also a great description of myself after waking up.

Then I wash my face. In the morning I use regular, unscented Ivory soap. This is perfect for a quick rinse and doesn’t irritate my annoyingly sensitive skin.

As I wash the soap from my face I make sure to use cold water and splash my face seven times. Charline De Luca said in an Into the Gloss interview that she splashes her face seven times with cold water, so I decided I should, too. Lastly I moisturize with Cerave Moisturizer..

Now begins the beautification process.

Skipping any type of base, I start with strategically placed concealer. Normally, I place it in an inverted triangle under my eyes (a la Kim K.), down the bridge of my nose, over any blemishes and around the middle of my forehead. I alternate between Maybelline FitMe or Maybelline Age Rewind concealer. Despite the name of the latter concealer, I am actually not trying to “rewind” my age. That would bring me back to my middle school face, and no one deserves to re-experience their middle school face.

Next, I lightly fill in my eyebrows with Maybelline’s Eye Studio Brow Precise Shaping Pencil. When doing my eyebrows I’m more of a “fill in the sparse areas” girl rather than a “draw a whole new eyebrow” girl, ja feel? Go easy on your brows, they’re sisters, not twins.

After a quick run to the bathroom (I always have to pee at this point for some reason), I’m back in action.

Depending on how much time I have (6 minutes vs. 7 minutes) and how fancy I’m feeling (Iggy Azalea “Fancy” vs. Bobbie Gentry “Fancy”) I may or may not apply eyeliner. If I’m more on the Iggy end, I forget about the eyeliner. But, if I’m feeling Bobbie, a little sassy, a little fancier than normal, I’ll draw a thin line of brown liner along my upper lash line. Occasionally, and I mean like seriously once in a blue moon, I’ll attempt to line my tightline. Lining the tightline makes lashes look fuller as it camouflages any of the skin your top eyeliner and lashes don’t cover. (Note: your tightline is the upper lash version of your waterline).

Currently, I’m using Wet n Wild’s Color Icon eyeliner in dark brown. It is so unbelievably long (this eyeliner will last me centuries) and only $0.99. But despite its seriously, and maybe even questionably, reasonable price, it is a really great eyeliner. And what is fancier than a smart shopper with beautifully defined eyes? Simply nothing.

For a cool, not-a-zombie-girl-look I put Nyx’s Wonder Pencil in Light on my waterline. Putting a nude/cream/white/whatever-light-color eyeliner on your waterline brightens-up your eyes and makes them appear a bit bigger (or more open, if you’ve also been told that you look like your eyes are always half-closed ... there I go with that self-deprecating humor again).

I follow that up with a light, glowy eyeshadow in my inner corner. For this I’ll either use the cream shade in Wet n Wild’s Eyeshadow Trio in Walking on Eggshells or whatever face highlighter I’m using that day.

I top off my eye look with some mascara. When I don’t have time for my preferred two mascara routine (really puts a damper on my diva attitude), L'Oreal Carbon Black mascara is a great substitute.

This is the part in my makeup routine where I notice I’m sweating. My room doesn’t even have to be hot. For some unknown reason I sweat when I’m getting ready in the morning. It is so weird and gross, and why am I sharing this on the internet? #justgirlythings.

Once I’ve blotted away the perspiration from my face, I quickly brush some bronzer onto the top of my forehead, nose and cheeks. My favorite bronzer at the moment is NYC’s Smooth Skin Face Powder in Sunny.

For some luminosity (I’m all about being glowy and bright like a disco ball, a Kardashian or a Kardashian’s disco ball), I apply Nars’s powder highlighter in Albatross. I like to brush the highlighter onto the bridge of my nose, on my browbone and on the high points of my cheeks.

Lastly, I’ll swipe on whatever lip balm I have handy after wiping the sweat from my upper lip (still weird and gross, I know). I give myself mental bonus points if I grab a tinted lip balm, it’s the easiest way to bring a bit more color to my face. Fresh's Tinted Lip Treatments are the best in my opinion, and the perfect shade for summer is Tulip.

Now onto hair.

I normally give my ’do life by dousing my roots with dry shampoo. The dry shampoo that holds the number one place in my heart for now and forever is Batiste. No other brand combines drugstore prices and a quality product quite like them.

On a typical day I’ll maybe brush my hair, but not even a Bobbie Gentry level of “Fancy” can ensure that. In reality I will finger comb it as I think about what breakfast will be the easiest to eat while walking to class.

As I’m running out the door I apply my rollerball of Elizabeth & James’ White Nirvana and bask in its wonderful scent. As a huge fan of the engimas that are Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, I like to imagine we are all smelling White Nirvana’s floral aroma at the same time. Somehow making me closer to their bobble-headed bodies and bug eyes on a whole new level. Very meta.