Considering living with your significant other after college? It’s a big decision that should be weighed carefully before you enter the same living quarters and share financial responsibilities.
We made the decision to move in together right after graduating from Elon in 2008. For us it was a great decision, and we’ve never looked back, but we’ve watched friends make similar decisions and not be as lucky. Nearly six years later, after many moves and getting married, we sat down and pinpointed what we believe to be the top 10 things you should consider if you are contemplating moving in with your significant other post-Elon.
1. Do you really love each other?
It may seem like a silly question, but you need to be sure (110 percent sure!) that you really care about and see a future with this person. This is a HUGE decision — you’re going to be under the same roof 24/7, splitting bills and sharing a life together. Be certain that you don’t see an expiration date on your relationship.
2. Where are you moving?
After knowing you’re committed to one another, you next need to decide WHERE you’re moving. Consider your majors, where friends and family live, where you both can be happy together, what type of climate you both enjoy, etc.
3. Does it make sense for both of your careers?
Even if you know you’re going to be with this person long-term, does it really make sense for you to be in the same location? Perhaps one gets a great job in NYC and the other gets into graduate school in North Carolina. Even if you want to stay together, it may make sense (for the short-term) for you to live apart in order to pursue your careers.
4. Is it a financial decision?
Do NOT move in with a significant other just because rent is expensive in the city you’re moving to. Roommates aren’t always the easiest to get along with, but it’s much easier to end a relationship with a roommate than with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
5. If you broke up tomorrow, would you be happy in this location/job?
Even after you’ve considered the city, if living in the same place makes sense for both of your careers and you’re sure it’s not just to save a few bucks that you’re moving in together — be certain that you’d be happy in this city if your relationship ended tomorrow. Would this job and this city be where you’d end up if you made this decision independently?
6. Are you willing to live with other roommates or do you want it to be just the two of you?
Do you want to live with just the two of you or are you willing to live in a bigger place and get a couple of roommates? Some couples just want to live together, while others are willing to live in a townhome or larger apartment with a few roommates. Whatever you decide, make sure both partners are good with the decision — it impacts your day-to-day, financials, etc.
7. How will you split finances?
This is a BIG discussion that you should have talked about before signing a lease (see more below). How are you going to split your bills? Will you each pay half of the rent? Will one person pay the cable bill and the other pay water and electric? You need to have a clear understanding of the financial obligations of each party.
8. Who's on the lease?
Depending on how expensive rent is in the city you’re moving to and what your entry-level salary is, you may need a parent to co-sign on a lease. If they’re co-signing, your mom and dad may just want your name on a lease and not your partner’s name. Do you both want to be legally bound to an apartment or are you more comfortable with only one name being tied to the lease?
9. Have you talked to your families about this decision?
Like recommendation No. 1, this may seem self-explanatory, but make sure your parents and family members are aware of your decisions and be respectful of their opinions. We’ve watched people try to hide the fact that they’re living together — it’s not worth the weight on your conscience, and you’ll likely get caught. Just be honest with your family!
10. How are you going to split up the household chores?
Talk about what you’ll do around the house. Our household chores vary often, depending on who’s busier at work, who’s in school at the time, when you’re home during the day, etc. Make sure you discuss these things and don’t expect your partner to be your mom or dad. Expecting your partner to clean up after you, do all the dishes and go grocery shopping will be a sure fire way to ruin things quickly!
Now, we don’t want to scare you away — we’ve had a GREAT experience living together. But, if you read the top 10 and found yourself unable to answer a question or with an uneasy feeling in your stomach, we encourage you to talk openly and honestly with your partner and come to the best decision for you two. Every couple is different — we have some friends who moved in right after college who ended up married and some who ended up breaking up. We also have friends who moved to different cities or chose the same location, but lived apart, who are also happily married. Every couple is different, only you two know what’s best for your situation and relationship!