Doctor’s Orders is a weekly humor column in which Lauryl Fischer and Frankie Campisano, two unprofessional, untrained, non-medical definitely fake Doctors, offer up some prescriptions for their Phoenix patients.

The dust has settled, GDIs. You can come out now.

If you’re like us, you watched Bid Day from a safe distance as the eager rusherees (rushers? recruitment-goers?) reenacted that scene from “Lion King” when the wildebeests stampede Simba’s dad after Scar delivers that badass “Long live the king” line.

Anyway, Bid Day. Maybe some of your friends were in that crowd. Maybe some of them were at the bottom of the hill, holding on tight to something so they wouldn’t meet the same fate as their beloved father figure Mufasa. Either way, watching them is one of the best parts of watching the Greek system from afar. What follows is many weeks of cross-stitching, crafting, and cupcake-eating. Nice. Everybody likes cupcakes.

But if you’re a GDI, you’re not invited to these activities. Sorry. You also might have lost a chunk of your friend-group to the Greek system. Looks like the next few weeks are gonna be one long sad movie montage starring capital-y You and no one else. Again — sorry.

Prescription A: Round up all the GDIs. Start living together, hanging out together and planning formal and informal social activities. Start keeping a record of your traditions and policies. Wear your GDI letters proudly on your water bottles, laptops, clothes, cars, painted coolers and even tattoo them on your internal organs.

Unite with your GDI brothers and sisters. Remember the fateful words of the late Gotham District Attorney Harvey Dent: “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

Prescription B: Since it’s our job to give back to the Elon community, and because, hey, misery loves company, we thought we would share some of our tips as seasoned-GDIs ourselves.  Here’s what you should do to fill those lonely hours.

  1. Listen to Sam Smith’s grammy-nominated album “The Lonely Hour” on repeat.
  2. Okay, so you lost your friends. Who really needs them when you have “Friends,” the TV show, streaming now on Netflix? (Disclaimer: Doctor’s Orders has not been paid to endorse this content. We just really love “Friends”).  Relive the ups-and-downs of the Ross and Rachel saga.  Laugh/cry with how much you suddenly relate to the socially-stunted Chandler. At least Joey will always ask you how you’re doin’.
  3. Start an online campaign to become the next meme.
And most importantly, celebrate the joys of being a GDI, a unique kind of person who cannot and will not be defined by the letters embroidered on his or her frocket.  Sure, you might not get free food. Or candy. Or t-shirts.  Or a free fast pass to many of Elon’s hip-happenin’ parties. But you know what you do get? Plenty of free time.  And that’s what GDIs love best. This column is brought to you by Netflix and viewers like you.