Going to College Coffee
What other school lists “take the free food we give you” as a bucket list item? Take advantage of what you have now because outside these walls, free coffee and doughnuts are so rare, they’re an omen of an early death. And yes, it’s “doughnuts,” not “donuts,” you troglodytes.
College Coffee is the one thing that gets students not to dread 8 a.m. classes. It is like the Poincare conjecture solution, but for university morale. Student organizations come to you instead of the other way around so you can be a front-row audience member to the passion and expression of your peers. It can make you feel productive by proxy. Make sure you go to College Coffee with your friends so you can share a laugh and some food and then awkwardly walk away when the conversation dies down.
Going into fountains
Considered an Elon “rite of passage,” while the uninitiated could easily dismiss this as hooliganry, there is a lot of planning that goes into finding the perfect fountain to wade around in. First you need to pick your fountain. Boney Fountain is easily accessible, but it also looks like a grave. Chandler Fountain has the impact, but it’s surrounded by lots of sharp metal teeth, both inside and out, like a goblin fortress. That leaves the heavily trafficked Fonville Fountain so you can get the attention you crave from passersby and anyone who looks at the Alamance webcam.
Then you need to pick the right time to go in the fountain. Go too late in the year, and you’ll come out dripping with pollen like Swamp Thing. Go too early, and the water will cool you down to kidney-harvesting temperature. You also need to decide whether you’ll go into the fountain late at night when the Phantom is on the prowl or do what no Elon student has ever risked and wake up early. Whatever your decision, you will succeed in getting covered in dirty water. It’s worth every $1,000 fine.
Stealing a brick
Wow, a lot of these bucket list items involve causing problems for campus staff. This tradition says a number of things about Elon students. It could mean that students want to keep a piece of Elon with them, and instead of showing appreciation through their degree or full-size acorn back tattoo, they decided to get a dirty brick. It could also be an expression of Berlinesque rage mixed with a hatred for anyone who rides a bike around campus.
Or, the most likely theory, is another step in the very popular hobby of brick collecting. There’s frogged, perforated, face, mortar and the ever-popular “solid” brick. Rumor has it campus legend “Stubbs” has his hand on an oversize modular brick from behind Maynard Hall.
Running the Turkey Trot
From the first day of an Elon student’s sophomore year, the goal for the rest of the college career is getting rid of the Freshman 15. A lot of people will try to take the shortcut of joining Elon’s secret brawling society, but if you go one round with Stubbs, you won’t even have the chance to get a sweat started. So running the Turkey Trot is your better bet. The easiest part of the event is getting the canned goods for charity because we all have a big sock stuffed with cans within arm’s reach of our bed.
The true challenge is mentally pacing yourself during the 5K because no one really knows how far five kilometers is. Is that like five miles? Is it the distance from Koury to McEwen? How many 5Ks would I run to get from here to the moon?
And when you finish the Turkey Trot, waving to the children in their extravagant playgrounds you pass by, you are rewarded with the most difficult meal to eat — an unsqueezed orange slice — and the pride that comes before realizing you now need to walk all the way back to your apartment.
If you work best on a deadline, this step on your Elon bucket list might be a bit tricky if you’re graduating now. But, the rest of you still have time to travel the planet with Elon’s study abroad program. In fact, the one downside is that Elon does not offer study abroad to other planets. I can’t think of an Elon student who wouldn’t want to study sociology on Mars or state government in the Betelgeuse star system.
Studying abroad is like exercising the back muscle you didn’t know you have when practicing your tsuki. Seeing things from an international perspective helps inform opinions and creates a better understanding that will make you a better employee and a better person. Traveling will also blow up your Instagram account and get those likes rolling in.